before i begin, i would like to prephase that this is not an encouragement to be avoidant over anxious, i am just going through the motions of my personal experinces going from one to the other and how there's a sense of safety to it. the different attachment styles is something i think about more than the average person i would say. mostly because i have went from being an extreme anxious attachment to a very avoidant attachment. the real reason i think is because of gaining independence coming into college, like not only living alone but also breaking up with my second boyfriend of the time and having access to so many new people rather than being stuck in my small town. but there's a dangerous safe-haven in being avoidant, and that's the comfortability of being forever alone. i think this year especially i have noticed my avoidance more, but also because i started dating more, but i have slowly become more and more inclined to being alone forever. i have this perfect image of me living alone in an apartment in los angeles where i have a nice marketing job somewhere or doing some kind of education work and getting my overpriced matchas. the constant reminder that at the end of the day you can be alone can be terrifying but also reassuring, like my life can be just as wonderful or even better being by myself. i do wonder if my newfound avoidance is at the cost of me being a lover girl, was my anxious attachment attached to being a hopeless romantic? i would like to say im still a hopeless romantic, but it does feel like ive grown up a bit in the sense where i dont express myself in terms of being hopeless romantic anymore if that makes sense? i suppose im just a romantic now, not hopeless. which can be ironic saying im happy dying alone pratically, but im merely a romantic as in im content in where my love will lead me in life. and even tho i say how much a life alone will be pleasant i do think someone one day will find me and be able to love me, realisitically like a real romantic would believe.