I recently started having a crush on a man and i overlyromanticized him to the point of wanting more for once. I haven't genuinely wanted something with someone i think since my last boyfriend and today it seems to that i have not gotten a response from a message i sent last night. so here comes the embarassment, foolishness, rejection, sorrow, and potential regret, i do feel all those things but the important thing is: i haven't felt this way since my last boyfriend that was more than 2 years ago and i either thought this way as a coping mechanism or maybe its true. but i felt like it was kinda beautiful in a way. like high school me would continuously embarass herself and be the biggest hopeless romantic you have ever met. now reading my blog you probably think im cynical but narcissitic enough to actually want someone to be obsessed with her. but yes believe it or not i was the biggest pro-love advocate you would ever meet, but now in college im honestly just busy and not as willing to make a fool of myself in the dating world. in my club we talked about the term limerance, which is the feeling of being obsessed or having a crush on this person and what makes it appealing is how unattainable they are. which coming from a girl who loves the chase, hit a little too close to home. like this whole crush ordeal made me feel like i was back in high school and dont get me wrong: i still like him. but this almost naiveness and this butterfly feeling and thinking of them, it feels so nostalgic, which makes me miss having crushes but reminds me why i don't. i don't have time to devote so much of my attention on feeling that is not reciprocal, but the constant dopamine from it is tempting. having a crush is a literal dopamine cycle of what if's and romanticizing every small interaction, which mine and many others' brains eat up like candy. i do miss this. it takes me back to a time where i didn't really know anything even though i felt like i did at the time. it cliche and everyone says this but genuinely i feel like growing up and going to college made me see i know nothing. i know nothing about love. and in the past i thought i did. i do feel grateful for this and being able to reawaken this feeling that haven't had in years of just having a crush on someone, its admirable in my eyes.