me and my coworker was talking about how we're being avoidant in our situationships and i coudln't help but wonder: we can hook up with people all the time but once we go on a date it no longer is as easy. the act of holding someone's hand is more intimate than any head you could receive. this transition of intimacy being so transactional and bare minimum becoming overdoing it. society is raising the bar allowing for bare minimum to be so high, while our standards are going down into the depths of hell. i had this encounter where a man was attempting to pursue me and he checked a lot of boxes, however... he was the most boring, unlustful, surface level person i had ever met. this has become a recurring theme in my life: less sex, more boring men. do with that what you will. but my encounters with men this year have really put into perspective the dating scene right now in los angeles for people in their twenties. doing anything that elicits effort into someone is doing too much. one might say, a text stating: "hey how was classes" is seen as too much. we are so cautious of putting in too much effort and yet we are the judgmental people who laugh when that one person just won't leave us alone. a lot of dating is hypocrisy with our actions, our time committment, and who we choose to be eligible to be a potential option. but that will be its own blog post. back to sex. i haven't been hooking up with people lately to be specific i haven't been hooking up with a lot of people at once (but not at the same time (; ) since like december, it is april now when im writing this. and i don't think its cause im craving care and intimacy, its more so i don't have the time or energy to even go searching for hot people to fuck. living in la that may be easy but ive just had one too many bad hook-ups that im just deterred at this point. i asked a lot of my friends this question: do you hold hands with the person on the first date. ive talked to many people about this simple proposal and majority all say the same thing: no. which you may think like no shit obvi not, but my friends had some exceptions, that being: it has to be a REALLY good date like really good. and we all said that has never happend LMAO, none of us had held hands with a man on the first date, however. some have had fucked on the first date. like doesn't just sound kinda insane? like you can't hold my hand but you can eat me out like what. in my opinion a goodnight kiss is somewhere in the middle between fucking and being emotionally intimate physically. like some men don't even do the goodnight kiss EVEN IF the date goes well, like is respecting boundaries or just being plain boring. dating should have some excitement and why are they so scared to ask us to kiss or hold my hand, but THEY NEVER have a problem asking for head like bruh. the men who don't fuck on the first date are also the ones that don't kiss you goodnight (consentually ofc) like they're respecting a boundary that isn't even there. don't get me wrong we love respectful men (eh actually to what extent is this respect or just plain fear of women, incel behavior) but cmon i need something to work with like do you like me or not. men are either too scared or too cocky, no in between.